I know something is wrong. I have symptoms. I have been in the emergency room and the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit. I know that I am not the record holder for the most mentally ill person whoever lived. I am standing with a few friends on my side. Nobody is against me, but I am not sure if anybody thinks I have a serious condition. Something tells me that I cannot go to work. Someone may be affected worse if I go to work than if I stay home. I am not crazy. Maybe, I am meaner from not feeling well. Faith in God is important. The most important thing is to glorify God. It is not getting better. Getter better is still very important.
Oh how I wish to be well and please everyone who should be pleased. I long to do a good job. I long to be productive. Right now I thought about going to work. Then I realize that a little anger makes my pulse 142 beats per minute. Some more anger makes my pulse 148 BPM. Two less than the danger threshold. I have to stay home. I tried. Maybe not hard, but I tried. I am better off than Job. I do think that I know how he felt. After a little taste, a man knows what the whole pie tastes like. God and I will have a victory. I wonder what it will be.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Sunday, July 11, 2010
I am coming to the conclusion that I have an amazing ministry ahead of me. I am not amazing. God, however , is amazing through me. Here are some reasons.
I have been at fatal risk more times than I can count, but I am still here. For example, I have had two brain tumors. They are dangerous because of direct physical effects and because of the impairing of judgement. Bad descisions can lead to hazard results.
I have limited, but strong resistance to sexual temptation. I can't hardly get aroused anymore. This means I have a potential to serve anyone who needs help. I am male. I have rarely wanted sexual encounters. I am extremely grateful that I am a virgin. I can control myself and not risk giving my genetic weaknesses to my children.
This power is not mine. It is an extreme and healthy love of the Bible and its principles. The Bible is amazing when understood. I want it to make me amazing, not to brag, but to serve people well.
I watched Avatar recently. It is a movie. It had one problem to me. The alien race compared to humans were 99% naked. They looked very human, but were blue. I was not turned on. I worried about the ill effects of this on other viewers and on my friend Kai. That is the power of the Bible. This is the power to want good instead of dangerous pleasure. Maybe I should have turned the On Demand movie off. I did not know it would be like that. Kai and I were interested in the movie. I hope Kai had the discernment about the movie like I tried to have.
I have been at fatal risk more times than I can count, but I am still here. For example, I have had two brain tumors. They are dangerous because of direct physical effects and because of the impairing of judgement. Bad descisions can lead to hazard results.
I have limited, but strong resistance to sexual temptation. I can't hardly get aroused anymore. This means I have a potential to serve anyone who needs help. I am male. I have rarely wanted sexual encounters. I am extremely grateful that I am a virgin. I can control myself and not risk giving my genetic weaknesses to my children.
This power is not mine. It is an extreme and healthy love of the Bible and its principles. The Bible is amazing when understood. I want it to make me amazing, not to brag, but to serve people well.
I watched Avatar recently. It is a movie. It had one problem to me. The alien race compared to humans were 99% naked. They looked very human, but were blue. I was not turned on. I worried about the ill effects of this on other viewers and on my friend Kai. That is the power of the Bible. This is the power to want good instead of dangerous pleasure. Maybe I should have turned the On Demand movie off. I did not know it would be like that. Kai and I were interested in the movie. I hope Kai had the discernment about the movie like I tried to have.
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